Pieces of Heaven

 Pieces of heaven the past few days—

• snowshoeing
• sunshine glistening on the snow
• sunrises and sunsets
• seeing people who are important to me, good
• different food
• warm clothes and fires and hot chocolate
• games with family
• pictures with my brother
• hugs from family, driving
• passing MN teaching licensure tests
• finishing details for next week’s trip
• YMCA, laughing really hard
• texting/calling people stateside
• pauses
• Christmas tree, gift-giving in the usual fashion
• Christmas Eve service
• singing
• reflection and realizations
• playing guitar with my dad and brother late into the night...

Not-so-glad--gray skies, weird sleeping schedule and sugar hang-overs, freeeezing, darkness, dr.’s appts., mixing old and new/contexts causing weird memory floods, random misunderstandings...but even the not-so-awesome is part of the whole, and I'm grateful.

Breath of Heaven

“Breath of Heaven,” when Karen sang it in church, got me thinking again about those I know who are pregnant unexpectedly and how difficult that season must be. The waiting, period, if you want a child must be terribly difficult, and how much more when you feel lost or alone and in need of so much support that is so difficult to give. Reading, then, again and again, the Christmas story and John 1, I am baffled by Mary and her relationship with God, that same paradox of His infinite and intimate nature. She had to know God in a way that no one else has, by the end. 

Her initial response, a confused, “How will this be?” is much calmer than mine (perhaps, it's a personality thing). I think I would freeze and then exclaim, “You’ve got to be kidding me! There’s no way! What?! Why?!” and feel like I got punched in the gut. I’m now much older than she; maybe when I was pegged as Miss Spiritual, I could have had that humility, but I still hope that it would draw me to my knees in worship as it did, her. Mary’s identity was found in knowing who God is—I am God’s servant, let it be unto me just as you have said. Amen, Mary. Right view of self and God…how much strength is derived from this.

So, for each that is struggling with the load to bear and the uncertainty that is the future, it is the breath of heaven, the Holy Spirit of the Most High God that holds us together.  

I am called: God’s child, his bride, a Christian, servant of God…

… declaring the Lordship of the Savior who came as a baby and demonstrated his glory through such things as changing water to wine and who breaks the chains of sin and death and turns things upside down and inside out, freedom in submission to one who is supremely good—He is love. This is love—that He loves us and gave himself for us… Immanuel—so crazy!

Do I always feel these connections coursing through me and bubbling like a little girl in Sunday School? Not in the slightest. I am often calloused, critical or confused, but the stopping and declaring of what is true beyond myself is a beautiful thing. Come, Thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy praise…

Pico Blanco glory :)

Sooo excited even early in the morning!

 

Views along the way ... don't have a lot to show from the slippery parts in the jungle or the loose rock on the way down, but it was one of the most diverse hikes I could have imagined. Thankful.

Tensions and Abounding Joy II

The abounding joy part comes in little bursts and simple pleasures and deep-seated stirrings and encounters with the Divine.

For example:

·      skype conversations that I had been meaning to have/waiting on for a while that happened and refreshed me by making me laugh or by sharing deeply or just had the regular feel

·      Finishing writing the oh-so-frustrating convocatoria tests, tutoring a student and real conversations and kind words from a few of the girls

·      Feeling supported and cared-for by co-workers/principal by food, emails, instruction, defense, questions

·      buying things we’ve been wanting/needing at the grocery store, eating bruschetta for dinner and baking for our neighbors

·      lazy-ish days and reading the Bible and other books, intercession

·      The Hunger Games with Kate and the Millikans. So much to like/chew on!

·      Things semi-working out in planning trips

·      Community service with the students and precious moments with the elderly—wheeling the wheel chairs, feeding, listening, pictures, being

·      A kind guy doing hurdles who helped me figure out how to get into the track bahaha and morning swims

·      Delicious tea from the tea shop where Kate worked in Columbus, OH

·      Being prayed-for in church

And the best-est was hiking yesterday. It was so glorious! Refreshing for the soul, invigorating for the body, delightful for the eyes, encouraging for the social element, overall lovely weather-wise, and fulfilling as an awaited small goal.

We hiked Pico-Blanco yesterday with a large-ish group of people—teenagers to parents, and we had been waiting for months! (Was very glad we waited until after rainy season, because the jungle portions were still slickery.)

Made the special packed pancakes and had some coffee so we wouldn’t be hungry and left by 6 or so in the caravan. We were dropped off where the road ends in Escazu and began the ascent by climbing over a fence and traipsing through someone’s yard up through a field. It was pretty steep most of the way and nice to go at a pretty steady pace or go quickly and take breaks to wait for everyone and take in the views of the hills, mountains and central valley. 

Each section was different, and I loved noticing the variety of plants, flowers, birds, lizards, rocks and even bugs (bee-like creatures, not so thankful because Savanna and I got stung and were certain of imminent doom like the tracker jackers ; )).

We hiked in and out of what felt like savanna, deciduous forest, bluffs and jungle, so we would see rocky outcroppings and caves, pine trees, vines and moss-covered trees, blooming plants and fallen trees, light playing on the far hills and peaking into the forest or spilling into a clearing, the wind would tickle your neck and then nearly blow you off the peak. 

Each of these steps reminds me of how very human I am and how wonderful my Creator is. What more glorious worship than reflecting on the psalms during our hike and being what we were made to be within the grander scheme of things? 

(pictures to follow)

Tensions and Abounding Joy

1. I feel both really close to my middle schoolers/relate with their stage of life/feel as though I may not have left and incredibly distanced/what in the world are they thinking?/I’m so old and never have been “with it” . . .

They also take me for a ride with their ever-changing emotions, making me laugh and encouraging me or infuriating me and wearing me out.

Both last Friday and this past Friday were great reminders that I really am thankful for La Palabra de Vida and do really like the students here.

In fact, I love my students—I kept saying “I love seventh grade,” and “You guys crack me up!” during our paseo the other week. It’s strange how God puts these things in your heart.

I got to spend the day with the seventh graders for their last day of “school” after exams finished at a recreational area a ways a way from here where there was a fishing pond, picnic pavilions, playgrounds, pools, soccer fields, etc. 

They impressed me by including everyone throughout the day, joking, laughing, taking pictures, jumping into the pool together, playing on the playground, sharing food, and opening up some. It was precious. And they gave me our sign for silence which we adapted from the “thanks, admiration, and goodbye” salute. Even got a goodie bag and engraved pen from the parents/kids jaja.

This Friday we (high school faculty) took the high school—whoever wanted to, which ended up being nearly 50 kids to the “hogar de ancianos” –“old people’s home” for the whole afternoon. They did great! It was interesting to see which students are the kind of people who make things happen/take initiative, which ask for directions, which wait for instruction, and which hesitate/hang on the outskirts the whole time. 

Some of them jumped right in and talked with some of the residents, and by the end of the day most had funny stories and were glad they came. The students helped serve and feed the residents tamales and coffee; they spent time walking them around, getting them settled for a performance, talking and listening, taking pictures and just being together. It was hard to see how some of those who live there are starved for quality care and attention, but at the same time many of the staff are really great. It gave me joy to facilitate the students helping and passing out gifts and goodies (thanks for the toothbrushesJ) and helping people to open and light up at their gift. Some students were reluctant to leave!

Hope for more like this in the future.

2. Having been thinking about the need to be intentional, give thanks, and live the moments we’re given while we get into planning mode, I was challenged, obviously, and the week flew and took me with it, without a real sense of purpose/accomplishment or joy. Found tension, though in the back and forth and the smaller moments and letting go. 

3.   Espera. Hope.Wait.Wishfor. God can decide to heal today, tomorrow, or for eternity, and the real hope lies deeper. Thinking of my own health and sin issues and the call to intercede for so many that I personally know going through physical/emotional struggles as well as the larger/systematic injustices that weigh heavily no matter where you go in the world. Today in the charla, the speaker mentioned the ya pero todavía no, and I love that part of theology and the truth of the kingdom. Even this morning when I got done swimming I was recalling the song and passage about our everlasting God. 

…Here and trying to finish things for the year, be ready for Em’s visit and a visit home and fam’s visit here—all of which I am incredibly excited about and a little bit nervous for. …Figuring out rest and go. Holding out until the next time I see people now that it is increasingly becoming a huge question mark.

Rom. 8, Psalm 8, 46, 95

Giving Thanks IV (last one)

Thankful. Not in certain order, exactly.

• Christ’s supremacy and his Word.
•  
• Creation—humanity and Immanuel, how crazy/kind of strange/incomprehensible
• Food-real food, harvest, taste and flavor, bringing community, preparation, enjoyment, variety…
• Family—foundation and so many memories and formation, learning love and forgiveness and laughter and a lot of other things, of course
• Friends—community that surrounds you in different ways at different times, the different amazing people that you can invest in/be invested in by, who change you/bring out different pieces, walking together through ups and downs…
• Technology—communication, globalization of sharing so many ideas and music and everything (yeah, there are negatives, too, and sometimes I’m a luddite)
• Home and lodging—different beds, comforts, quirks, challenges, shelter
• Guidance and correction—grow so much this way and appreciate courage and honesty and vulnerability
• Struggles, “failures” and “lessons”—along the same lines, kind of love/hate
• Times that you get to see how far God’s brought you—amazing, really.
• Sunsets—so so glorious. Sunrises are great, too, and bring the promise of new.
• Work—so much to learn all the time, like hard work and accomplishment and teamwork etc.
• Exercise—oh, so good. Healing, healthy, how the body’s made to be etc.
• Culture—rich and varied, deep and ingrained, vibrant and dull, “normal” and intriguing
• Language—so much a part of who we are and vastly different around the world—every tribe, tongue, nation!
• Being done with exams, kind co-workers, the ability to read and write and speak and understand, the ability to appreciate lots of different things, the chance to be alive and fairly well on a day like today, my students who drive me crazy and who I really, actually love, laughing ‘till you can’t breathe like last night at dinner, guilty pleasures like gumballs or trident in excess, clean water to drink and wash clothes and shower with, money to give, travel and seeing new things like the beaches and the mountains and weird people, bicycles, clothes, even though they are wearing out, shoes to protect my feet, the way my mind thinks of lots of connections nearly all the time, that I was given the body and mind and heart that I was, the chance to pray for other people, the opportunity to go home for Christmas, days off, the way time goes both quickly and slowly sometimes, music of all sorts, buses and roads--kind of love-hate, visible forgiveness and grace, seasons of all kinds…
  
  gots to go exercise and eat with some friends!  hasta luego!

Thanksgiving--grateful. Give Thanks. III

Gah, bubbling bubbling!

It’s Thursday, I woke up at 6:05, threw on clothes, walked down with my roommate and my turquoise umbrella to clock in and walk back up to the house and jump back in bed. Dozed in and out to the wind and the rain and the maintenance working in the next room and awoke to coffee and banana pancakes made by Kate. : ) (we have invested a lot in banana plantations and 1820 coffee…) Slow morning, don’t get enough of those. Reflection, don’t take enough of that. Gleaning and amazed by scripture, often don’t slow down enough for that, either. Jumping around the house on a Thursday while my students take exams, fantastic. The rainy rainy rain (since last night—I think the seasons are confused…) helps to cool things off and make me think it’s less strange to celebrate Thanksgiving here, so I appreciate it. Jesus music and giving thanks is so lovely, as well.

Pontification themes—the ordinary and extraordinary. Walking through the mundane and the super exciting. How much the depth and hope of eternity matters because the ordinary can be just so… dull or empty. The flowers wilt and die, moth and rust destroy, people disappoint, there is no fulfillment, everything is meaningless, the shine fades, beauty of youth disappears, passion ebbs, tasks become overwhelmingly miniscule…the little bitty oppressions that threaten to wear and tear and break down like a stress fracture or an auto-immune disease or Alzheimer’s, slowly, slowly, but surely, surely. And that’s quite alright! We have so much more and it starts right now. 

There are good gifts and little things to celebrate amidst all that without being fake or cheap or too idealistic or naïve. It’s just grasping at the eternal and longing for that end of Prince Caspian, end of time kind of feeling when it really all is wonderful and liberating. So sing a song of praise, you’re not held or limited by the shackles that threaten to weigh you down. 

Realizing that within that daily grind, it’s not the little bursts of productivity that we should glory in, although they are in some ways, satisfying, but those seeds and then flowers of patience and hope and deep joy and community and knowing and understanding and purity and beauty and love and grace that we get to experience. Or the work of producing and enjoying the delicious fruit of perseverance and faithfulness, of strength beyond weakness, of peace in chaos, of growth and overcoming, of forgiveness in place of bitterness or irritation. And the refreshment of rest and soothing, gentle, encouraging or even challenging words. The times that acknowledge the ‘beyond this moment’ but also relish the moment, the already but not yet. 

That’s what days like today are for. Reality. Not always super super exciting, but really, it’s quite fulfilling!

Ecclectic T-day post II

Salmos 95

¹ Vengan, cantemos con júbilo al Señor;
    aclamemos a la *roca de nuestra *salvación.
² Lleguemos ante él con acción de gracias,
    aclamémoslo con cánticos.

³ Porque el Señor es el gran Dios,
    el gran Rey sobre todos los dioses.
⁴ En sus manos están los abismos de la tierra;
    suyas son las cumbres de los montes.
⁵ Suyo es el mar, porque él lo hizo;
    con sus manos formó la tierra firme.

⁶ Vengan, postrémonos reverentes,
    doblemos la rodilla
    ante el Señor nuestro Hacedor.
⁷ Porque él es nuestro Dios
    y nosotros somos el pueblo de su prado;
    ¡somos un rebaño bajo su cuidado!

BE JOYFUL ALWAYS. PRAY CONTINUALLY. GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS IS GOD’S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS.

I THESS. 5:16-18

He’s always been faithful to me.

10,000 reasons for my heart to sing. Bless the Lord, oh my soul, worship his holy name. Sing like never before, oh my soul. Worship his holy name.

Just overwhelmed with thanksgiving and glee!!!

God is so, so good : )

I Chronicles 16 Thanksgiving

Love the lessons from this of having people to gather together and sacrifice and praise the Lord and recount his blessings and majesty. The ways of blessing through food and music and community. Covenant and promise. Rescue and redemption and grandiosity and comfort. Amens. Family.

They brought the ark of God and set it inside the tent that David had pitched for it, and they presented burnt offerings and fellowship offerings before God. After David had finished sacrificing the burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the LORD. Then he gave a loaf of bread, a cake of dates and a cake of raisins to each Israelite man and woman.

He appointed some of the Levites to minister before the ark of the LORD, to extol, thank, and praise the Lord, the God of Israel: Asaph, Sechariah, Jaaziel, Shemiramoth, Jehiel, Mattithiah, Eliab, Benaiah, Obed-Edom and Jeiel. They were to play the lyres and harps, the cymbals, and the trumpets before the ark of the covenant of God.

To give thanks in this manner:

Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name, make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced, you his servants, the descendants, of Israel, his chosen ones, the sons of Jacob.

He is the Lord our God; his judgments are in all the earth. He remembers his covenant forever, the promise he made, for a thousand generations, the covenant he made with Abraham, the oath he swore to Isaac.

He confirmed it to Jacob as a decree, to Israel as an everlasting covenant:

“To you I will give the land of Canaan as the portion you will inherit.”

When they were but few in number, few indeed, and strangers in it, they wandered from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another. He allowed no one to oppress them; for their sake he rebuked kings: “Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.”

Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord, all you families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name, bring an offering and come before him.

Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.

Tremble before him, all the earth! The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let them say among the nations, “The Lord reigns!”

Let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them! Let the trees of the forest sing, let them sing for joy before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Cry out, “Save us, God our Savior; gather us and deliver us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name, and glory in your praise.”

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting.

Then all the people said, “Amen” and “Praise the L_ORD.”

David left them before the ark of the covenant of the Lord to minister regularly according to each day’s requirements.

After they gave everything they had, they headed back, each to his own family.  : D

Life that's truly life.

Pre-Script--If you’re not a Jesus-lover, I’m not sure that you’ll agree or that this will make much sense. : )

Interesting how things flow together. For one thing, I had spent money on gifts and things at the market just that day and was processing through the consumer’s guilt that always plagues me post-purchase. Where does this come from? What holds me tightly? Why do I fear being irresponsible and hopeless? And why do I not have a better theology around money—one that actually is lived out? In some ways, I do.

My being here at this stage of the game is a lot of a learning process. One of fresh failures and little bumps and bruises, of ease and freedom and there’s just so much to learn. It’s the rubber-meets-the-road part of life in early adulthood where you feel like you should maybe be further along, but for the most part, you’re really pretty content to be where you are. There are a lot of ups and downs, which is pretty normal for me—the energy waxing and waning, the stability or balance slightly in question, but just tripping, not crashing, still running or survival-shuffling along.

So the sermon spoke to the rich of the world, and really, to everyone, to the consideration of having a right view of yourself and your stuff. The charge is to not get too caught up in the messy, petty, or all-consuming things that make you start to think that this is all there is and you’re missing out. We really might be missing out on “life that is really life” when we start to mix productivity, compromise, efficiency, appearance, reputation, popularity, acclaim, high standard of living with kingdom values. There’s something to seeing that we have already been given everything we need and more. Are we apt to recognize what it is that we do that pleases God and to then really start the enjoying part now, since now is part of forever? Are we generous in the sense of inviting others into that? Or are we always concerned with the next thing, the past things, the preoccupations of the present?

I’m reminded of The Great Divorce and the kinds of false realities we set up for ourselves when we really are in the shadow lands, shadows ourselves, starting to find the real life and all too content to play with those mud pies, clinging so tightly to people and things that we really think we are loving or righteous. And/or we wait it out and think that toil and discontentment are our lot because of the curse and because achievement is more moral than materialism, or perhaps it justifies our materialism. (Materialism, not in the sense of being rich, simply a preoccupation with what we have or don’t have that isn’t eternal, be it a friend count, particular clothes, a successful career, travel, titles, cars, free time, latest technology, particular gifts…) And eventually we find we were just aiming to be old people walking the beach, looking for shells, and that’s it (Don’t Waste Your Life).  That’s why the author of Ecclesiastes, in the midst of the doomsday-sounding “meaningless life” exposé, reminds us that you should work hard and enjoy.
We aren’t guaranteed anything. Life itself, we know and say is a gift, but don’t always really act like that. Do we have clothes, food, places to go? That’s abundance. The hard work, planning, acquiring knowledge and the food and drink, marriage and family, money and even time itself, doesn’t exist when you die, which you will. And I’ve thought that before about crying, something I don’t do very often/very well (sleeping at a decent hours would be another of those things, but alas…). We don’t get to cry once we die, so we might as well use up the tears now and really experience deeply. Thinking critically, drinking deeply, putting the nose to the grindstone, hand on the plow, living in seasons and being ready no matter the season, learning and growing and being challenged and giving thanks, these are all “now” kinds of things.

And beyond this, the now sets us up for the later, because forever has already begun. Kate and I were talking about how each choice that we make invites something into our lives. Are we filled with the Holy Spirit in the real way, beyond the appearance of spirituality? Or are we opening ourselves to worry or dissatisfaction or bitterness or judgment? What’s the root, where’s our foundation?

Lately, I’m finding a lot of the whys and hows of how I do life, of who I am and where I come from even if sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no idea where I’m going. That’s where trust factors like going to sleep at night come into play. It’s pretty neat to see and think and then challenging to have to go live, but what a gift and a privilege to try out so many things in so many places with so many people!

Take hold of life that is really life. If you don’t know what that means, it’s not pure epicureanism, it’s so much more to know the Life. Mmm, good.

Cumpleaños feliz te deseamos a tí *clap*clap*clap*

The song stuck in my head yesterday. I am one of those people who get randomrandomrandom things in my head, and enough Happy Birthdays, and it's the new soundtrack. 

I haven't posted in a month partially because I haven't really slowed down to figure out what to say, and partially because I haven't always felt like I had much to say. 
I know, shocker. 
Really, though, we are inundated with information and people saying stuff just to say stuff, (like my middle school students, for instance) and that's not what I live for.

I still have to work today and am heading out soon, but as a little morsel, here's what's rolling in the deep...recesses of my brain. 

Had some serious rough times this week with all of the trepidation approaching 24 and such, the regrets and lies of the past and even in thinking of those who truly are alone, alone on birthdays and special days; asking God to meet them and sustain. Kate was right, it came and went, and is still going, the change and taught pulling and tucking and sniping and putting on of this new year. I’m not sure how it feels, yet. Ask me next year when I stop to think on what’s happened.

Tears do spring to the back of my eyes thinking of all that has transpired in my little life in this corner of the globe, as a friend likes to call it. I am overwhelmed. By grace, by mercy, by faithfulness, by blessing, by abundance, by friends, by family, by sweet gifts, by difficulty, by challenge, by hope, by the Spirit of God, by love, by fear, by sugar, by exclamation points, by memories, by lack of memories, by wishes…

Fun(ny) parts of yesterday: Normal early early wake-up, seventh grade singers, prayed over by coworkers, too.much.sugar., seventh graders' "noooo," when I told them we had to stop reading, receiving packages from the U.S., skyping with my parents, sunshine to run in the afternoon, chai that was less overwhelmingly cardamom-y than the last time we made it, crockpot curry, host family surprise visit--yes, our kitchen was a mess, I was wearing sweats, they brought another cake, and they humble me all the time, flourless chocolate cake, my mom's crazy packing skills, late-night convo with my roommate, and sweet sleep granted by the Lord.