I’m having a bit of a roadblock in the brain. Ah, here comes
the evening rain. I think that comforting sound, along with Hillsong in the
background will coax the thoughts out, now having finished a cup of tea and an
afternoon nap. mmm. Needed to listen to
the signs of exhaustion, the tendrils of which were clouding my thoughts and
daily goings about.
We are somewhat high-maintenance creatures. “Delicada,” as
my host sister Katy describes herself, is perhaps a more accurate depiction. We
are delicate, fragile, easily puffed-up, easily swayed or persuaded, excited or
deflated. I was reminded, in prepping for upcoming units, that hubris/pride pertains
to being swollen like a kwashiorkor belly. We are naturally starved, pained and
empty, puffing ourselves up. We might fake ourselves into thinking that it
looks beautiful the modeling industry does for anorexia, but the farce is
easily found out when we don’t have the fullness to sustain us, the strength to
bear burdens, we are cut down to size, expectations are unmet, or we don’t
easily fit in or receive acclaim.
What a journey into maturity to achieve real humility that
stems from a right view of self, an awareness of the wretches and beautiful
creatures that we are. This connects to
something I read that resounded some truth. This author in the Christian Pundit
pinpoints young people who grew up in Evangelicalism and often leave the church
all-together or head to high church order. RVD says they “are looking for
something the world can’t give them. It can
give them hotter jeans, better fair-trade coffee, bands, speakers and book
clubs than a congregation can. What it can’t give them is theology; membership
in a group that transcends time, place and race, a historic rootedness;
something greater than themselves; ordained men who will be spiritual leaders
and not merely listeners and buddies and story-tellers.”
I’m not saying this is my particular experience, but I do
see it, and beyond this, the search for the “real” –something beyond rules and
regulations of Christian legalism, but also more than fluff. The author goes
on, “What the kids leaving generic evangelicalism seem to want is something the
world can never give them—a holy Father who demands reverence, a Saviour who
requires careful worship, and a Spirit who must e obeyed. They are often
looking for true, deep, intellectually robust spirituality in the church and
not finding it.”
Where do they find it? Or where do we “find ourselves?”
If you want to find your life, you must lose it.
The reality that you can’t have it all, you can’t satisfy
your own deepest longings and you certainly aren’t the end-all-be-all—there is
so much more.
Let’s be honest. United States citizens are not beloved
everywhere. We know that foreign relations can be pretty tense and some think
we are an annoying joke. A girl from Spain mentioned coming to the states for a
less-rigorous or less-serious college semester. A man now studying for his PhD
at NYU, originally from Argentina, asked how Latin Americans present things to
us because when talking about recent history at museums and landmarks, we
weren’t painted in the most beautiful of light. Two guys, German and Irish,
said that they hadn’t met any Americans they didn’t get along with, portraying
them as somewhat flighty but cool to hang out with.
How does this relate? It’s the taking yourself too seriously
and not seriously enough attitudes that we exude. I was pressed to consider
this this weekend staying at hostels and thinking about all of the reasons we
travel (or do anything in life, for that matter). Are we altruistic or
self-serving, all, when we go to “serve” or “give” or “teach” people? Are we
thrill-seekers, in search of the next adrenaline high, record to break or
insurmountable challenge? Do we just have wanderlust and are discontented with
our current status and location, wanting something new and exciting? Do we have
a well-developed eye for beauty or are well-cultured, seeking nature’s wonders
and a given-society’s offerings of art in music, museums, architecture, culinary
delights etc.? Are we committed to a place? people? a job? adventure? self?
I am intrigued, the more travelers I meet, at how many
proclaim to be self-contented-ish with whatever comes their way. Walking a new
trail, beginning alone, meeting up with random people to travel with, diving or
surfing, drinking and dancing, eating good and not-so-good food, often on the
street, taking risks and traveling by any means possible, perhaps meeting a
friend in another country, and so it goes, all over the world. Looking to live
life in such a way that pleases them at the time. Personally, it feels to be
lacking. Mostly lacking purpose or long-lasting relationship.
(I do believe this is different for the deeply spiritual,
especially the Spirit-filled.)
And, not sure how I feel about this, I think I adopt a
similar mentality sometimes with the uncertainties and excuses of this stage of
life. Many a Peter Pan roaming.
So then there’s a boomerang circle we take or a yo-yo of
work-aholism to epicureanism, of extreme arrogance to self-loathing, of quest
and rest, of legalism to chaos.
So, we arrive, having never arrived, exhausted or weary, bleary-eyed travelers, one and all. Come. Rest. Learn. Take. Go.
Ever-aware that I need my anchor that holds within the veil.
Happy to be home wherever home may be and to persevere on the long road of
faithfulness.
churches, markets
beach life 
